My Very First YouTube Video

Image via CrunchBase

So anyway I finally logged into my YouTube account after almost a year of inactivity. While I was on there, YouTube suggested creating a video through an app called Xtranormal Movie Maker.

Bored, I took the next eight minutes to create this random video, titled Tina Fey and Will Ferrell in “Braxton Family Values”.

Enjoy:

Singing does not put food on the table, singing does not pay the bills.

So Grey’s Anatomy is doing a musical episode, huh? Here’s Sara Ramirez (Callie) singing Grey’s unofficial theme song, Chasing Cars:

Apparently even rival medical drama House is producing a musical episode, too.

What the hell?

I hate when TV shows do musical episodes. It’s what ruined Xena for me. The scene where Xena sings to Gabrielle while they were being crucified is when I knew I had to stop:

I Have No More Motivation to Wait for Kelly Rowland’s Album

This is the final nail in the coffin. For months I’ve been waiting eagerly for Kelly Rowland to release her third studio album and now she releases yet another “lead single”. She’s like the new LaToya Jackson. We’ll be lucky to buy Kelly’s new album by 2046.

Motivation is like the antithesis of Commander. Sluggish, bland and generic. It sounds like a reject track from Janet Jackson‘s Discipline album. I have no idea why I’m comparing Kelly to all of the Jacksons right now, so I’ll stop that…

Kelendria must really be feeling slow jams at the moment because her reunion song with Nelly, Gone, is another bore as well:

Brandy was wrong. Motivation isn’t “FIRE breathing dragons!!!!”. It sucks. In fact, I would much rather have the weakest single she’s released from this project so far, Shake Them Haters Off, instead of this.

Kelly, enough with these buzz singles please. Commander, Grown Woman, Rose Colored Glasses, Forever and a Day…I could go on. Are you following the Ciara manual to releasing music or what?

Just release your damn album already! At this point, I wouldn’t even care if the album comes in a shoebox full of cassette tapes with the recordings on them. At least it would be finally out there.

Jam (Turn It Up) – Kim Kardashian: A Review

Image via Wikipedia

Kim Kardashian‘s debut (and reportedly, one-off) single Jam (Turn It Up) premiered on Ryan Seacrest‘s radio show yesterday and he couldn’t stop raving about it! The fact that he’s an executive producer of Keeping Up With the Kardashians probably had nothing to do with it:

Unfortunately Kim has a limited, paper-thin voice that sounds like a cross between Cassie and Heidi Montag, only the bad parts were mixed together.

The ridiculously cheesy lyrics don’t help either:

Celebrate like its my birthday
5 more shots of tequila
I’m thirsty
Feeling so good, I’m feeling so great
Tonight (x4)

Kim doesn’t even like to drink!

Now I like my fair share of trashy, vacuous pop releases by people who should’ve never set foot in a recording studio. Paris Hilton, for example, released a set of singles that weren’t half bad (and I completely despise her). But I think the biggest reason why Jam is plain awful is because Kim sings it so lifelessly and bored.  It could’ve been such a fun and light-hearted novelty track. Kim Zolciak‘s voice sounds like she’s perpetually chain-smoking but that didn’t stop Tardy for the Party being the catchiest, groundbreaking song of our generation.

While Jam isn’t the worst debut single from a reality show starlet I’ve ever heard (the worst being I’m Hot, the heinous “rap” song by Angelina from Jersey Shore), the only reason to buy Kim’s first (and hopefully last) record is that half of its proceeds go to cancer charities.

Jam is currently charting in the top 100 on America’s iTunes store and is in the top 70 on Australia’s iTunes. Somewhere out there, Ciara is fuming wildly and wondering what she’s doing wrong.

5 out of 10 for the Oscars 2011: A Review

Image by cliff1066™ via Flickr

It began well enough. James Franco and Anne Hathaway were equally giddy as they introduced the 83rd Academy Awards, after starring in a gratingly long and painfully unfunny video sequence. The first lot of awards given out by Tom Hanks featured some pretty decent acceptance speeches, too. I had no inkling to fast-forward through them, so that was a good sign that maybe this year the telecast would be something special.

Then, the highlight of the night - Kirk Douglas emerged onstage to present the delightfully kooky Melissa Leo her Best Supporting Actress award. Kirk was great presenting, making lots of hilarious cracks and Melissa said fuck. The best category of the night.

But let’s face it. The night just kept dragging on and on. There were countless segments that were so random and pointless, you have to wonder why on earth producers Bruce Cohen and Don Mischer bothered with doing them in the first place. Like the tribute to Gone with the Wind at the beginning? Why bother introducing a segment when all it consisted of was thirty seconds of the projection screen lighting up with the title?

It was one of my biggest gripes with the show. Lots of filler segments that just inflated the 3+ hour running time of the whole thing. It’s nothing new, but I thought the Academy wanted a fresher, younger take on the ceremonies?

And can we talk about the boring ass speeches? Natalie Portman rambled on for such a long period of time she could’ve delivered her child onstage. And what about Colin Firth and his wife (who curiously looked bored all night)? For someone who had just won the Best Actor award for a film called The King’s Speech, Colin delivered the driest, blandest acceptance speech of the night – only rivalled by the producers of The King’s Speech themselves with their Best Picture win. Did these people learn anything from Geoffrey Rush‘s character?

What possessed Cohen and Mischer to invite those singing YouTube kids to perform at the end of the night, too? I would’ve much rather listened to Randy Newman close the show with one of his corny songs, and I fucking hate Randy Newman and his “music”. How are those kids relevant to the film industry or the Oscars anyway? It reminded me of the episode of The Simpsons when the kids had to sing for Springfield’s Olympics bid, minus the irony:

The only thing good about the finale (apart from indicating that the show was almost over) was the idea of bringing all the winners back onstage.

Finally, I was extremely dismayed at the lack of diversity present at the Oscars this year. Not just amongst the winners, but in the crowd generally. In every panning shot of the main front audience, you could basically count all the people of minority descent with your fingers.

So yeah, Anne basically lied when she told us that shit about following your dreams. Clearly, Hollywood still has a filter that bars certain people out of roles and the chance to attend these things.

That’s all. I’m sorry for the rant and the whinging.

Steps are allegedly reuniting!

Remember Steps? They were that cheesy 90s band best known for their annoying hit 5,6,7,8. They also released a spate of awful covers like Tragedy and Last Thing on My Mind while single-handedly desecrating one of Kylie‘s signature hits with their take on Better The Devil You Know. According to their Wikipedia entry, the band sold over 15 million records, 14 million of which were probably bought by Satan and thrown into the pits of hell himself since they were such heinous CDs.

Okay, maybe I’m being too harsh on them. Looking through their discography, I didn’t realise how groundbreaking they were. Here they are from their Deeper Shade of Blue video, rocking some sort of Avatar meets Lady GaGa look. They were truly ahead of their time, much like bandmate Lisa Scott Lee‘s 2005 electropop single Electric, which was obviously released four years too early:

Image via Wikipedia

What Happened To Us – Jessica Mauboy & Jay Sean: A Video Review

Jessica Mauboy‘s got a new video out and apparently also has a Vevo channel, too. The good news? It’s the fanciest looking video from the Get Em Girls album era. The bad news? It’s about as dull as the song itself.

From the constant close up shots, I’m guessing the video was sponsored by Blackberry.